A week ago my friend died. It's getting easier to accept that she's never coming back, but it still doesn't feel real. When am I going to wake up from this? I didn't even get to go to her funeral...
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"Life is full of hellos and goodbyes
and how to enjoy what's in between" |
The same day Schuyler died two other people I knew passed away as well. I felt this overwhelming feeling of being insignificant in all of this and I couldn't get over it, but I kept strong through it all. That whole week I heard so many versions of "I'm sorry" that eventually all I could think about was 100 other things I'd rather people have said to me, but it's crazy because when my friend lost a family member the only thing I could think of saying were those two words. Even though I just went through it and know that it's the worst thing someone could say and could probably have thought of so many other things, I didn't. Death happens, and it's sad, and it's painful, and it has the ability to destroy the wall you've been building, but it get's easier to accept as time goes by. Everyday you are reminded of that person and every time something reminds you of them it gets easier to smile at the memories.
"I miss you and sometimes I cry. Sometimes its randomly and other times I can feel it build up before it happens. Its getting easier, but that doesn't mean I miss you any less. I don't want to let go of you, but they told me its apart of life. Letting go of that one person doesn't mean you're forgetting and it doesn't mean you're moving on either, it means you're ready to start new. It means you're ready to smile about the past's memories, and begin making new ones. I'm letting you go. Not because I want to, but beecause I've realized you're not mine. You're God's. I'm sure you're an angel up in Heaven and its time I let you fly. I love you, and you will always be a friend."
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