So I'll Say Something I Should Have Said Long Ago: You Don't Know Me At All

Insomnia is a kind of torture. Because while the world is fast asleep, you're up all alone, your mind 

buzzing with every random thought in the universe. And sometimes, the thoughts will reach a standstill, and your mind goes blank. You become more aware of the silence. And it is during this moment that you realize how alone you are. Sure, I can appreciate it every once in awhile. Being able to be up at night, alone in the dark, silence filling up all of the empty spaces, but only when it's my choice can I actually enjoy these idle moments. When I can't sleep night after night, even with the help of melatonin or sleeping pills, that's when it gets annoying. Life is so unfair, and we are told that from the first time we drop our ice cream on the asphalt at four years old until the day our lovers die at ninety years old, leaving us behind. We are always told this, and that, but no one EVER teaches us how to deal with the unfairness. We are just expected to accept it...Everyone is taught to look both ways before crossing the street and to talk quietly in the library, but no one ever learns anything that matters. Like, how to keep breathing when your heart breaks in half, or what to do when your best friend says she's going to kill herself. So how do we do it? Can someone tell me? It makes me happy to know that none of us get a how-to guide, that we're all just winging it, but it's so freaking hard. Ya know? Because I know I'm not the only one who thinks like this. That's impossible. I know there's a way to be happy, because I AM happy. I'm very happy. I just understand life. I read once that the happiest people don't have it all, they just make the best of what they have. And I'm trying, and its working, but it's slow. I guess that what I'm trying to say is that no matter what you just gotta step forward...otherwise, you'll always be in the same place.